Fallen off the wagon

(Some days you’re the passenger – some days you’re the donkey.)

The title of this post is true in so many ways.

Recently I’ve fallen off the wagon about limiting my spending; I’ve fallen off the wagon by way of keeping track of my spending and I’ve fallen way off the wagon in terms of writing this blog.

This happens to me sometimes. I get so overwhelmed with trying to keep everything pushing forward towards our goals that I seem to burn out and have a mini rebellion against myself. It’s like I’m a two year old and my inner voice just says, “I don’t wanna” to everything. (Feeling a bit raw about 2 years olds this morning. Had to try and get a toddler dressed and ready on time when she didn’t want to, and I feel I’ve aged 100yrs in the process. It’s not even 8am yet…)

So, yeah. I just sorta…stopped. Everything. We went on holiday for a few days which was lovely but seems to have derailed me because by the time we came back I couldn’t get back into the swing of things.

Maybe I’m just trying to push forward on too many fronts. I read somewhere that it’s a tested fact that people have a limit for willpower. Like you have a tank and once it’s empty, there’s nothing. So it doesn’t matter how good your intentions are to meet a goal, if you’re also spending the willpower elsewhere – you’re gonna fail if you rely on willpower alone. There’s not enough to go round.

This rings true for me. Often I’ll decide that I need to have a ‘life overhaul’ and rather than focus on one thing to change, I try and change EVERYTHING. Which obviously doesn’t work and when one thing fails, I just give up on it all and things go back to the way they were.

So trying to focus on tracking my spending, limiting non-essential spending, paying down our debt, finishing our house renovation, focusing on a career goal at work, blogging in my free time and addressing various personal issues outside of my financial goals… Plus juggling a demanding full time job, with trying to see my kiddo and partner enough…. Yeah, I’m starting to see where it went wrong. All of that’s doable as long as I’m in a high energy mood but the moment I’m feeling a bit tired or low – it all feels too much and I drop everything but the essentials.

So I’m trying to slowly pull myself out of my funk and identify those areas where I think I can focus some energy, while leaving some to spare. I’ve started tracking my spending again and gone back and updated my tracker spreadsheet. I’m still probably spending too much, but keeping track of where it’s going is the first step for addressing that. Plus I was starting to feel like I was constantly depriving myself and that always leads to a spending splurge for me, so I need to ‘treat’ myself a little from time to time. (I’m talking, buying some new makeup or a chocolate bar here and there just coz I want to – not splashing on a Cartier watch or anything!)

And I’m going to start writing stuff here again if I can.

Mostly I think I need to focus on getting our house renovation done to a point where we can actually move in. Because we haven’t had our own home since Dec 2016 and it’s starting to get to me. Enough is enough!

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